Life in a witness protection program: Can you imagine
what that must be like for the person who has to do this? Caroline (now known
as Jessica) lived in a new little town with her daughter, Cathy (now known as
Janet), and finally started to feel secure in her new environment. Gone for the
moment were the daily fears she used to suffer because of her ex-husband, Mark,
who had managed to make her life a living hell over time. She could hardly
believe she used to love him very much and at the beginning of their
relationship could not have envisioned her life without him. However, all that
started to change after she found out she was pregnant and had to make some serious
decisions about the course of her life.
However,
her life in this makeshift witness-protection program was hellish just on its
own. If she and her daughter were to remain anonymous in their new lives,
Caroline could no longer contact her family or any of her friends from her
previous life. Instead, as Jessica, she had to create a new life with new
friends. God knows what she was supposed to do about her family. Only if she
stayed completely away from people she had known and loved would she be assured
that Mark could not track them down. Even so, there was no guarantee he would
not be able to find them. She reflected back on how it had all come down to
this.
Marrying Mark had seemed like such a good
idea at the time because he had professed to love her at least as much as she
loved him. They seemed like a match made in heaven and she was positive that he
would never even dream of hurting her or the baby. Then he started drinking for
some inexplicable reason—indeed, he couldn’t seem to stop—and that’s when her
life started down the slippery slope to hell.
She never was able to figure out why he had
to drink so much, nor could she accept that every time he got drunk, he would
abuse her mentally and physically. Of course he always woke up the next day with
a huge hangover, regretting his heinous actions toward her and apologizing
vehemently. And she, likewise, forgave him because she felt he couldn’t
possibly know what he was doing. Surely he couldn’t be intentionally abusing
her. It wasn’t possible that someone whom she knew could demonstrate love more
than anyone else in the world could turn around just like that and act like the
devil in disguise. There wasn’t any feasible explanation for it, but she would
forgive him anyway. She could not envision what not forgiving him would do to
their relationship—until, one day, she found out that abusers, once they start
abusing someone close to them, don’t just stop cold.
Being beaten repeatedly and raped by Mark
since she’d become accidentally pregnant with his child was bringing out the
worst in him. And the thing was, she had not expected him to marry her—he’d
insisted. Caroline, in her naiveté, thought it was because he needed to have
someone warm to come home to after his workday was finished.
He worked hard at his engineering career,
which was flourishing after he’d finally graduated from the University of Toronto’s
Faculty of Engineering a year ago. Caroline, on the other hand, had not yet
been able to graduate as a teacher. Being a new mother had taken all of her
free time, and returning to school full time to finish her education studies at
McMaster University
in Hamilton
became impossible. She had almost forgotten about it, but not quite. One day, she promised herself, I will return to school. Just because a
woman is married doesn’t mean she should be forced give up all her life goals. When
the time comes, Mark will just have to accept it. He won’t have any choice in
the matter. The more she thought about it, the more determined she was to
finish her studies, with or without his consent.
The day she told Mark what she wanted to
do, Cathy was just slightly older than 3—not quite old enough to attend
elementary school full time. Mark, shocked that Caroline still wanted to return
to school and become a teacher, did his utmost to dissuade her from doing so.
“Why do you need to return to school?” Mark
asked her. “Don’t I give you
everything you need for yourself and the baby? Aren’t you fulfilled as a full
time wife and mother? I could understand it if you wanted to work part time or
do some volunteering from time to time, but going back to school is a major
commitment. If you’re looking for emotional or financial support from me for
this purpose, I won’t do it. I need you here at home too much.”
“Mark, “she replied, “you’ve had your
career opportunities and they’ve been plentiful. You’ll always be able to find
a good job no matter where you live. I, on the other hand, will only be able to
get a menial job as a clerk or secretary and it wouldn’t pay much at all. I’m
smarter than that. I need to be able to reach my potential, and being a teacher
will allow me to do that. Besides, there are tons of women out there juggling
jobs—being a wife, mother and housekeeper at home and maintaining a job outside
of home. If they can do it, so can I.”
They would occasionally talk about it after
that, and every time, it came down to the same thing: Mark was insistent on her
being a full time housekeeper and wife, as well as mother to their daughter. It
didn’t matter what Caroline said about improving the quality of her own life,
reaching her potential or just wanting to finish something she’d started long
ago. He would not accept any of her arguments as anything he wanted to hear.
When he started actively drinking to the
point of getting drunk at least twice a week, she knew it was only a matter of
time before the storm broke. Either she had to have him charged with spousal
abuse, or she would continue to suffer endlessly at his hands. So one day, she
did it—she had him charged and he was consequently arrested, tried and
convicted. Her testimony at his trial had everything to do with the outcome. He
was then sentenced to three years for his abusive behaviour against her.
But that was only the beginning. Upon
moving to a new town and changing her and her daughter’s identities and her
appearance, she was still afraid of him and what he would do to her when he got
out of prison. Mostly she was afraid that he would track her whereabouts and
try to kill her. The police were committed to protecting them from him, but she
knew that if he wanted to find her badly enough, he would. She was positive
that deadly revenge was on his mind. If he had to go back to prison after
killing her, it might actually be anticlimactic for him—a small price to pay
for getting back at her.
So what were
her options? Fight or flight? If she stayed and fought him, he would surely win
since he was much stronger, even if she had a weapon. She could install an
alarm system in her house or get a guard dog. Nevertheless, he was not someone
who could be easily deterred from getting to her if that’s what he intended. But
if she decided to flee, where else could she go with her daughter? She had
already embarked on a witness protection program of her own making—changing her
and the baby’s identities (with the help of some acquaintances) and changing
her appearance as much as possible. It was a problem to which she did not know
the answer. Maybe nobody knew the answer.
She could either wait for Mark to decide
what to do after he got out of prison or decide for herself now. She was very
much afraid that he would come after her and the baby to harm them, and that
meant she’d have to fight back. It was not her way to fight, but if there was
no other choice, she would. And there was no doubt in her mind that it would be
a fight to the death.
Mark’s first parole hearing was coming up next month, and she planned
on being there to try to prevent him from being released early. If that didn’t
work, she would get a restraining order, which would enable the police to
prevent him from harassing her and the baby. At least it was a beginning. She
could also invoke other preventive measures like getting a big dog and
installing an alarm system. What she would not
do anymore was run. She had tried that avenue already, but it wasn’t always a
“fail-safe” method. To stay and fight for her and her family’s survival was the
only thing that really mattered from now on.
copyright - Anne Shier, 2013, all rights reserved, published by Authorhouse, Bloomington, Indiana, USA
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