Tied Down -- by Anne Shier

Have you ever wondered what all the meanings of “tied down” are? I’ve discovered there are actually quite a few, depending on the circumstances and context.

        My name is Rachel Freeman. The immediate thought that I have whenever I’ve heard that phrase is another phrase that is associated with marriage. You know, the thing that married people sometimes say (affectionately) to others when referring to their spouse: “Well, there goes the old ball and chain.” It sounds on the surface like an insult, but I think it’s really supposed to be a kind of weird compliment; that you got married to this person with the best of intentions and made a commitment for life (you hope) to this other person. In addition, I think that, as a married person, you might not like openly admitting to having chosen to take on this huge legal obligation for the rest of your life; it’s sort of like saying, “Yes, I got married, and like every other married person out there, I sometimes rebel at the idea; however, most of the time, it’s okay.” Does that mean people don’t like marriage, per se? No, but what I do think is that it means the facts of marriage are usually very different from the ideals.

 Other people may think of being “tied down” as something that happens when you are taken gravely ill and must stay in a hospital bed for a few weeks or more. What I mean is—you can’t get out of bed because you’ve been rendered immobile for a time and now, you need other people to take care of you until you can move around on your own. As horrible as it sounds, at times like this, you need nurses to help you use the portable bathroom facilities (a bed pan) while stuck in a hospital bed that is situated in a public ward with nothing but a thin curtain separating you from all the other people sharing your room. There is no privacy whatsoever and it’s as humiliating as hell. I know what that’s like.

 You could also think of being “tied down” as being certified mentally incompetent (crazy) and now, you have to be literally “tied down” to the hospital bed. This is done to protect you from hurting yourself or others. I know people are sometimes put into this situation, although I don’t personally know anybody like this.

  Alternatively, you may not actually be crazy, but you’ve just been accused of a horrible crime, in which you were hurt, and now have to be “tied down” to the bed so that you can’t just get up and walk out of the hospital of your own accord. In that case, a police officer or security guard would have to be stationed outside your hospital room door so that you cannot leave at will.

  Personally, being certified as crazy or being accused of a horrible crime has never happened to me. What did happen to me was to have to depend on paramedics and doctors and nurses and physiotherapists and massage therapists and homecare people to help me get back on the road to mobility after my very serious car accident in the spring of 2000. That was definitely not my idea of how to live my life for the next six to eight months following my accident, but when I consider the alternative, there was little choice. It was far better than death.

  A very sad story comes to mind regarding this kind of thing. My uncle, Cecil (“Cec” for short), was diagnosed with kidney disease in the early 1980s. I only found out about it then because my sister, “Saz,” and I were visiting with his family at the time where they lived just outside Sudbury, Ontario. After a brief visit at their farm, Saz and I continued on our trip out west to Calgary, Alberta. That was where I had been planning to move so I could look for work and a place to live; Saz was just helping me move and get settled there. While visiting with Uncle Cec, we became unwilling witnesses to this tragic occurrence involving him and his family.

  Uncle Cec was forced to take dialysis treatments three times a week at Sudbury General Hospital as a result of his very sudden massive kidney failure. At this point in his life, he was definitely “tied down” to his dialysis treatments and would not have survived without them. A few years later, with the circulation in his legs also gradually deteriorating, both legs had to be amputated at the hip. This meant he was now “tied down” to a wheelchair for life. I couldn’t help but think what a tragedy this was for him. He had been such a handsome, strong and strapping young man when I met him at his wedding to my Aunt Marlene; he had always been one of my favourite uncles.

  Other people’s idea of being “tied down” has to do with being forced to do a job that they absolutely hate doing. The sad fact is, if you really hate your job that much, it probably means you’re always watching the clock. Every minute seems like an hour, every hour seems like a day, and every day seems like a week. Time drags by very slowly. Is that any way to live and work? Certainly not.

  Yet another meaning of being “tied down” might be the way you feel when you are unable to make plans to move somewhere else, like another city, when things aren’t going so well in your life. I suppose you might interpret this wish as running away, but still, it would be nice just to have the option.

           The point I want to make here is that being “tied down” is a fact of life. It doesn’t have to be a bad thing, however. It can be a good thing. If you are committed to something bigger than you in your life, it gives your life purpose. However, if you are a free agent and want to make all your own decisions all the time, you may well be one of the luckiest people in the world. Whether you’re a single person or not, happiness in life is something you really have to work at to achieve. If that means being “tied down” to someone or something, then that’s what it means. But if it means being a free agent in your own life instead, and not having to answer to anyone else, that’s okay too.

copyright - Anne Shier, 2013, all rights reserved, published by Authorhouse, Bloomington, Indiana, USA