(Based on the
book “Breaking Through My Limits: An
Olympian Uncovered”,
copyright 2012, by Alexandra Orlando)
As related by Ms. Orlando (prior to the
2004 Olympic Qualifiers):
I know how worried my loved ones were,
even my trainer and physiotherapist, and everyone was telling how thin I had
become, but not as a compliment.
But, I didn’t care, and what’s worse is that I didn’t believe them. There were still pounds to lose, and I was
still nowhere near being a size zero, which was the ultimate goal. I went from a size six to a size two in the
blink of an eye, too fast to maintain, but I was on a mission.
I don’t know how I even had enough
energy for the amount of work I put my body through. I can only think that it was the adrenaline
of being so close to the end of the tunnel that carried me. I picked up the worst habits you could think
of, like running on Red Bull. And,
believe me, it does give you wings!
Caffeine became my middle name.
So dangerous. So stupid. There were days when I would look at myself
in the mirror after a hot shower and write in the mirror the words I couldn’t
say:
“I hate you.”
“Help.”
“I don’t want to die.”
The fuzzy silhouette of my face was barely
visible as I wiped those words away, those thoughts from my head. “Just a few more weeks,” I kept telling
myself, “you’re so strong, you can do this”.
I kept packets of honey in my purse for when I felt so faint I needed a
shot of sugar to keep me from dropping.
Yet it was so easy.
I was travelling all over the world on
my own, never under supervision, never accountable to anyone or anything
besides showing up in the gym and doing my job. As long as I did that and competed well, no
one asked questions. I was a young woman
who should have known better, but the years of emotional abuse had warped my
own morality. When I walked into World
Championships, the thinnest I’d ever been, I gave it my all, and everyone
noticed. It couldn’t have been more perfect,
and I had the best competition of my life.
When I qualified for the Beijing Olympic Games, I came back to life,
woke up from the nightmare I was living, and opened my big eyes.
What I looked like didn’t matter
anymore. I was free. I have never felt so alive, and gave in to
all my senses. I stayed up all night
celebrating with my family and teammates who had come to Greece to watch me. I ate and drank in excess, toasting the year
and the place I had come from. I met my
best friend the next week and had ten days on the beach in Greece to enjoy
myself and relax. I came home a new
woman, and was done with feeling vulnerable and scared, and now needed to
concentrate on me and only me: my
health, my body, my mind and soul. I
needed to come to terms with what I had done to myself, and to start healing,
and lean on my family. It was easier to
run away and disappear for weeks at a time when I was struggling than to drag
them into it. I know now that I can’t do
everything on my own, and for those of you who stuck around long enough for me
to realize that, you will be in my heart forever.
2008 was a year of learning and growth. I gained back most of my weight and almost
had a career-ending injury mere months before the Olympics. The injury became my main focus, and my
weight was a distant second for once. I
cared more about being able to walk than what I looked like in my bathing suit,
and was eye opening for me. After I got
to the Games with my ankles both taped up so tightly that they were being held
together, I knew that what I had overcome to get there meant more to me than
what I looked like. I slid into those
competitive suits one last time, and walked out there with no body image
issues, no regrets, and no looking back.
(End of Chapter 5 – Rock Bottom – Alexandra Orlando’s Life as a Young
Female Athlete)
copyright 2014, Anne Shier. All rights reserved.
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